"you give and give and give. and I take. you give, and you know that it's not fair, or right, and it hurts you, but you don't leave, because you don't want to, you can't. you want to keep giving. you want to be needed that way."

It's raining and thundering simultaneously outside, in perfect unison. So perfect it sounds like its supposed to be the backdrop to an intense romantic scene in a movie. I'm thinking Great Expectations. I could watch that movie a hundred times over. Okay, 'nuff of that.


On another note, this is my friends apartment. I walked in there and my jaw fell to the floor cause of how bright the apartment was and how endless those windows were. Love. My first apartment can be as dingy as hell, but needs to have an endless line of windows just like this.

"... you must take good care of your mother.."

She reached for her cup of tea as her voice fell weak and crumbled under her words. I wouldn't ever know how or where to begin to describe the strength I have witnessed in my grandmother this entire life. It made my mother who she is. It has made me who I am. Things are different now. Conversations are heavier with truths little girls cannot bear to carry. Things are different now. And the weight is being shifted. It needs to be. Her spine, like her spirit, is still strong, but frail and curving.

In my heart I search desperately for something in the silence. Words will not do. I place my palm on her hand, and promise her with heavy eyelids, I will.

bright lights and a concrete maze. "people all in a hurry, yet they don' know where they hurryin' to". maybe that's how it all came about; broken people trying real hard to forget as they hurry along. maybe they're trying to lose themselves in the bright lights and shrewd sounds. and all the noise makes sense somehow.